I just totally had to be a server at a faux-British tea party.
There was this British hostess trying to teach everyone how to break apart biscuits crumpets and put the butter and jelly jam and cream on them. While I loved her accent, my favorite part was all the awkward phrases she used.
"Would you like some more tea before I tip it away?"
"We've got extra if you want to put sugar in."
And so on. It was amazing.
So I went around obsessively offering everyone cucumber sandwiches and tea refills, but I think something went wrong in translation. They were talking too loudly to hear me offer and they were walking around and bending over each others' plates and pushing their chairs out so I couldn't get through, and when they were done they kept trying to clear their places... And they crumpled up their napkins and threw them on their plates when they were done, and they kept leaving their stirring spoons in their tea and they would snap their fingers to get the servers' attention and... it was all so very American.
But all the napkins had the British flag printed in them, and there were little bitty British flags on toothpicks sticking out of the crumpets, so instead of throwing them away I stole a bunch and brought them home because they're adorable.
But oh my god, why did you never tell me that your biscuits with whipped butter and strawberry jelly are so delicious. I could eat a thousand of those things.